Life according to me is warp & weft of FAILURE & SUCCESS. There are days when we fail & there are days when we win. However the days when we lose are harder to pass. Our close ones, parents, friends try to overcome our sorrow of failure by saying words like
- FAILURES ARE PILLARS OF SUCCESS
- UNLESS YOU DO NOT LOSE YOU NEVER LEARN THE SIGNIFICANCE OF VICTORY.
- ALL GREAT MEN & WOMEN WERE INITIALLY LOSERS.
- FOR US YOU ARE ALWAYS THE WINNER COME WHAT MAY.
Personally I feel these words do not work much. The person still weeps from within or in other words the fire of sorrow due to failure keeps on igniting. It is only the time which heals the wound of failure completely. As the time leaps we forget about our failure & get involved with other projects.
When I meet failure, I become very very upset & the worst thing with me is that I am not the type of person who likes to share my own failures with my family members. So the sorrow culminates within me who give rise to internal burning sensation, headache & nausea. Initially for weeks I used to weep but from few years I manage the situation by undertaking following measures.
- I recollect memories of my school & college days & think about those events when I was rewarded.
- I think about my past achievements in media
- I open my cupboard & look at the certificates, prizes & other rewards which I got in past.
- Than finally I open my photo Album & look all my photos
By doing this I feel calm & quiet. The inner burning sensation also reduces .I feel that I am a strong person & it is just luck which did not favored me & I can still do well.Thus in this way without sharing about my failure with my close ones I over come my depression of failure & I recommend other people to follow the above mentioned measures to over come depression & frustration in the event of failure in Life .
Showing posts with label PSYCHOLOGY. Show all posts
Showing posts with label PSYCHOLOGY. Show all posts
HOW UNCONSCIOUSLY WE OVER COME OUR FRUSTRATIONS
Defense Mechanisms as described by Psychologist Sigmund Freud are ways by which all of us (Human beings) reduce anxiety & frustrations, which we come across in our day to day life.
1) RATIONALIZATION: It is a psychological process where we give logical but false excuses for our behavior.
Example: If a person does not get grapes to eat he / she will say I do not like grapes because they are not looking good or the person may say I have sore throat therefore I do not want to have grapes.
2) DISPLACEMENT: It is a psychological behavior where in a person expresses his/her unpleasant feelings against an object different from the object which is actually causing frustration.
Example: A women may start hitting his son after she has a fight with her husband.
3) SUBLIMATION: Is a psychological process wherein an individual engages in a socially desirable substitute activity to gratify a frustrated motive.
Example: A person who fails in his love life may start writing romantic poems. A very good example of this is when Dr. Harivansh Rai Bacchan's first wife Shyama expired he wrote Madhushala.
4) REACTION FORMATION: Is a process in which we act in a way which is exactly opposite to what we thinking.
Example: A person may appreciate another person for his/her dressing style but from within he is thinking, How ugly that person is looking?
5) COMPENSATION: Is a process where in an individual tries to overcome his limitations.
Example: I always wanted to become a doctor but I did not succeed therefore I chose Dietetics which is a Para-medical field.
6) IDENTIFICATION: Is a process in which the individual accepts other people's desirable qualities as his own.
Example: Many boys imitated Salman Khan's hair style of Tere Naam.
7) REGRESSION: In regression the individual goes back to childish or primitive forms of behavior in the face of frustration.
Example: A grown-up person may cry like a child in the event of failure.
8) PROJECTION: In projection an individual blames others for his shortcomings & mistakes.
Example: An actor who has not performed well may blame the director or the script of the movie.
9)DAY DREAMING : Is a process where individuals starts visualizing that all his unfulfilled wishes are full filled.Day dreaming is also known as fantasy.
1) RATIONALIZATION: It is a psychological process where we give logical but false excuses for our behavior.
Example: If a person does not get grapes to eat he / she will say I do not like grapes because they are not looking good or the person may say I have sore throat therefore I do not want to have grapes.
2) DISPLACEMENT: It is a psychological behavior where in a person expresses his/her unpleasant feelings against an object different from the object which is actually causing frustration.
Example: A women may start hitting his son after she has a fight with her husband.
3) SUBLIMATION: Is a psychological process wherein an individual engages in a socially desirable substitute activity to gratify a frustrated motive.
Example: A person who fails in his love life may start writing romantic poems. A very good example of this is when Dr. Harivansh Rai Bacchan's first wife Shyama expired he wrote Madhushala.
4) REACTION FORMATION: Is a process in which we act in a way which is exactly opposite to what we thinking.
Example: A person may appreciate another person for his/her dressing style but from within he is thinking, How ugly that person is looking?
5) COMPENSATION: Is a process where in an individual tries to overcome his limitations.
Example: I always wanted to become a doctor but I did not succeed therefore I chose Dietetics which is a Para-medical field.
6) IDENTIFICATION: Is a process in which the individual accepts other people's desirable qualities as his own.
Example: Many boys imitated Salman Khan's hair style of Tere Naam.
7) REGRESSION: In regression the individual goes back to childish or primitive forms of behavior in the face of frustration.
Example: A grown-up person may cry like a child in the event of failure.
8) PROJECTION: In projection an individual blames others for his shortcomings & mistakes.
Example: An actor who has not performed well may blame the director or the script of the movie.
9)DAY DREAMING : Is a process where individuals starts visualizing that all his unfulfilled wishes are full filled.Day dreaming is also known as fantasy.
TRANSITION TO MARRIAGE
According to Psychologists & Sociologists when an individual marries,he or she faces a transition in life.This transition is called as Transition to marriage. Although each partner & each couple experience transition to marriage in a unique way there appear to be three typical stages in the transition of single hood to marriage.
STAGE 1 :- THE HAPPY HONEYMOON
In the continuing romantic glow & excitement that accompanies the wedding & honeymoon the couple are likely to experience optimism about any future problems & to expect the dramatic & tingling qualities of the relationship to continue evermore.The couple tend to tell themselves that despite of minor irritations & problems that may arise on the honeymoon their own relation is uniquely blessed . Regardless of experience of others they expect their romantic high to continue indefinitely. It is this romantic bliss that helps the couple through the early days of marriage . Although a marriage cannot endure on fun alone , THE HAPPY HONEY MOON STAGE OF TRANSITION TO MARRIAGE helps in establishing a stable foundation of marriage.
STAGE 2 :- DISILLUSIONMENT & REGRETS :
Disillusionment & regret is often referred to as the HONEYMOON IS OVER. It is characterized by conflicts & regrets about the marriage . Now one or both partners feel they have made a grievous mistake & are trapped in an impossible marriage . Even though sexual & other aspects of marriage may be satisfactory , the hope & fantasies of the engagement , marriage & honeymoon periods are replaced by disillusionment & disappointment . Now the previously inseparable love birds blame each other for not living up to what was promised during the courtship because of the this couple experience a mounting sense of frustration & anger. In spite of the tensions , in order to continue with the relation , the couple should work on the differences in the opinion , values & goals of each other this will only help to resolve the conflict & enable to accept each other .
STAGE 3 ;- ACCOMODATION :
Accomodations involves adjusting expectations for the relationship to realistic levels .It means building a realistic & durable foundations based on the positive qualities of the early days of the relationship. However it is a difficult task & needs lot of time & sacrifices but it is the most essential stage in the transition from singlehood to marriage.
IN DEPTH KNOWLEDE OF LOVE BETWEEN COUPLES
Love is mother of all emotions.It is very hard for each of us to survive in the society without love in other words LOVE is necessary to live fit as a fiddle . According to Psychologists there are eight types of love , in order to understand the types of love I am first elucidating on the TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE. TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE is developed by Robert Sternberg in 1986. According to this theory there are three basic components in love between couples . These are Intimacy , Passion & Commitment.These components in various combinations give rise to seven types of love. Robert Sternberg also suggested there is is an eighth type of love in which all three components of love are missing.
1)NON LOVE :
This is a type of love in which all the three component of love ie Intimacy , Passion & Commitment are missing . Casual Interaction that constitute the large majority of our personal relationships fit this category of love .
2) LIKING :
This is when a person experiences only the INTIMACY component of love & the other two components of love are missing .This type of love is more than Non Love & characterizes friendships. Friends experience feelings of closeness & warmth toward each other but not intense passion or long term commitment.
3)INFATUATION :
Also called as LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT . The individual experience only Passion & there is no intimacy & commitment. Often it is difficult to distinguish between infatuation & true romantic love. Diagnosis is only possible when Infatuation has worn off.
4) EMPTY LOVE :
This type of love involves the decision that one person loves another & is committed to that love , both the Intimacy & Passion components of love are missing . This type of love is seen in marriages that have endured but are stagnant .
5) ROMANTIC LOVE :
This type of love involves Intimacy & passion but there is no Commitment .
6) FATUOUS LOVE :
This type of love results from the combination of Passion & Commitment component of love & there is no Intimacy..It is a kind of love sometimes associated with " whirl wind courtship " in which couple meet , get engaged & are married all within a few weeks. Fatuous love is a high risk for termination of relationship.
7)COMPANIONATE LOVE :
This type of love is a combination of Intimacy & Commitment & the Passion component of love is missing. This kind of love is seen between the couples who were very committed friends for long time &later they tied a knot.
This is a complete love. In this type of love all the three components of love are present ie. Intimacy , Passion & Commitment. Thus it is very necessary for each of us to understand love so that we can distinguish between the various types of love & this will help us to make better relations with people & thereby we can reduce mental stress .
FOUR FOLD PATH FOR EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
In simple words communication means exchange of views , thoughts or ideas between two or
more individuals by Verbal or Non verbal means. In order to make our communication effective
it is necessary that we should follow Four Fold Path For Effective Communication .
1 ) EMPATHY :
Empathy means putting one's own feet in other person's shoes or putting one self in other person's situation or looking from other person's perspective. Unless & until we do not look our self in other person's situations or problems we cannot make a right judgment .For instance, if I am not attended by the Doctor on the appointed time, instead of getting annoyed I should put my self in the Doctor's place & than I will realize that the Doctor must have several patients & he might have some urgent call or might have a serious patient whom he needs to attend first. This will help me to behave decently with the Doctor when he attends me. Thus empathy helps us to improve our understanding for an individual & there by our communication becomes effective.
2 ) OPENNESS :
In communication it means honest speaking . Communication is effective when we are honest . In other words we speak what we think & what is true. When we are dishonest the other persons too tries to hide facts. Our gestures & other non-verbal means of communication depicts that what we are saying is not true .
For instance avoidance of eye contact by the speaker with other individuals reveal that the speaker is dishonest.
3 ) EQUALITY :
For effective communication it is very important that the individual give equal opportunities to others to speak & share their view points. At times people do not allow others to communicate their thoughts & if by chance they allow others to present their view points they interfere a lot when the speaker is speaking. This result's in irritation.
For instance a Doctor who does not allow the patient to speak up makes the patient feel restless & irritated. Not only giving equal chance to speak but it also necessary to treat the person with respect & honor .
4) SUPPORTIVENESS :
Supportiveness in communication refers to making the environment comfortable for the who is communicating. We can be supportive by not distracting the communicator . Coughing , sneezing , laughing , giggling , foot taping , napping etc are some of the behaviors which distracts the communicator.
more individuals by Verbal or Non verbal means. In order to make our communication effective
it is necessary that we should follow Four Fold Path For Effective Communication .
1 ) EMPATHY :
Empathy means putting one's own feet in other person's shoes or putting one self in other person's situation or looking from other person's perspective. Unless & until we do not look our self in other person's situations or problems we cannot make a right judgment .For instance, if I am not attended by the Doctor on the appointed time, instead of getting annoyed I should put my self in the Doctor's place & than I will realize that the Doctor must have several patients & he might have some urgent call or might have a serious patient whom he needs to attend first. This will help me to behave decently with the Doctor when he attends me. Thus empathy helps us to improve our understanding for an individual & there by our communication becomes effective.
2 ) OPENNESS :
In communication it means honest speaking . Communication is effective when we are honest . In other words we speak what we think & what is true. When we are dishonest the other persons too tries to hide facts. Our gestures & other non-verbal means of communication depicts that what we are saying is not true .
For instance avoidance of eye contact by the speaker with other individuals reveal that the speaker is dishonest.
3 ) EQUALITY :
For effective communication it is very important that the individual give equal opportunities to others to speak & share their view points. At times people do not allow others to communicate their thoughts & if by chance they allow others to present their view points they interfere a lot when the speaker is speaking. This result's in irritation.
For instance a Doctor who does not allow the patient to speak up makes the patient feel restless & irritated. Not only giving equal chance to speak but it also necessary to treat the person with respect & honor .
4) SUPPORTIVENESS :
Supportiveness in communication refers to making the environment comfortable for the who is communicating. We can be supportive by not distracting the communicator . Coughing , sneezing , laughing , giggling , foot taping , napping etc are some of the behaviors which distracts the communicator.
A FATHER 16 YEARS YOUNGER THAN HIS DAUGHTER
' Aunt how are you ? ' , my neighbor who is approximately of my age asked me . On hearing this I felt very odd & embarrassing . You must be thinking that I must be looking very old & gray that is why she must have called me aunt but no , today it has become a trend of calling people of approximately same age as ' UNCLE , PAPA , AUNT & MUMMY ' . People think by calling others by the above mentioned words they will look young & will be able to hide their age. In fact these people do not realize that how bad a person feels when a person of same age or approximate same age address them as ' Uncle , Aunt or Papa , Mummy '.
It has been seen that women are more conscious of their age than men & therefore to hide their age or to look young , women prefer calling other women of approximate same age as Aunt or Mummy .There is nothing wrong in looking younger than one's own age but to look young does not mean that one should address people of same age with words that hurt them. At times people say that they call others as Aunt , Uncle , Papa or Mummy because they do not know the other person's age & therefore to give respect they address by such words but in reality these people are liars because if they wish they can address the other person as Brother , Sister & even better Mr. So & So or Mrs. So & So .
Recently an elderly lady bought a house in my building , her name is is Neeru. To make acquaintance she came to my house . My mother had a long conversation with the elderly lady . Mrs. Neeru told that she has grand daughter who has a 5 years old son . So we felt that she must be seventy plus but she said that she is just 75 years old. .Considering her age my mother addressed her as ' Neeru Aunty ' as she is only 57 but she immediately in harsh voice said do not call me Aunty , call me either ' Neeru ' or ' Neeru Ben ( sister ) ' . My mother apologized & said that I will call you as ' Neeru Ben ' as I am uncomfortable with just ' Neeru' . Neeru Ben & we developed a very good relations with her . She often used to come to my house & my mom used to chat for a very long time but my mother never called her ' Neeru Aunty ' even my mistake.
One fine day Neeru Ben came to my house with some snacks which she has made in her house , by chance my father who is 59 was at home . Neeru Ben started conversing with my father but as she was talking with my father she addressed him as ' PAPA ' . For the first time we thought that is was just a slip of tongue but she again called my father as ' PAPA ' & said that I am living alone in the house & you are my papa who will look after me because my grand children are away. My father felt embarrassing as he must be at least 16 years younger than Neeru Ben . Eventually my father said ' Neeru Ben every thing is fine but do not call me Papa because you are elder to me , so it will be better if you call me either by my name or as brother. However when ever Neeru Ben meets my father in the building she address him as ' PAPA ' .
This was my personal experience , you might too have come across people who are either of your age or elder to you calling you as ' Papa , Mummy or Uncle or Aunty '.According to me the only way to this problem is to address such people as ' Aunty , Uncle ' before they are able to address you as ' Papa , Uncle . Mummy or Aunty ' . Than only will realize how bad a person feels from within.
It has been seen that women are more conscious of their age than men & therefore to hide their age or to look young , women prefer calling other women of approximate same age as Aunt or Mummy .There is nothing wrong in looking younger than one's own age but to look young does not mean that one should address people of same age with words that hurt them. At times people say that they call others as Aunt , Uncle , Papa or Mummy because they do not know the other person's age & therefore to give respect they address by such words but in reality these people are liars because if they wish they can address the other person as Brother , Sister & even better Mr. So & So or Mrs. So & So .
Recently an elderly lady bought a house in my building , her name is is Neeru. To make acquaintance she came to my house . My mother had a long conversation with the elderly lady . Mrs. Neeru told that she has grand daughter who has a 5 years old son . So we felt that she must be seventy plus but she said that she is just 75 years old. .Considering her age my mother addressed her as ' Neeru Aunty ' as she is only 57 but she immediately in harsh voice said do not call me Aunty , call me either ' Neeru ' or ' Neeru Ben ( sister ) ' . My mother apologized & said that I will call you as ' Neeru Ben ' as I am uncomfortable with just ' Neeru' . Neeru Ben & we developed a very good relations with her . She often used to come to my house & my mom used to chat for a very long time but my mother never called her ' Neeru Aunty ' even my mistake.
One fine day Neeru Ben came to my house with some snacks which she has made in her house , by chance my father who is 59 was at home . Neeru Ben started conversing with my father but as she was talking with my father she addressed him as ' PAPA ' . For the first time we thought that is was just a slip of tongue but she again called my father as ' PAPA ' & said that I am living alone in the house & you are my papa who will look after me because my grand children are away. My father felt embarrassing as he must be at least 16 years younger than Neeru Ben . Eventually my father said ' Neeru Ben every thing is fine but do not call me Papa because you are elder to me , so it will be better if you call me either by my name or as brother. However when ever Neeru Ben meets my father in the building she address him as ' PAPA ' .
This was my personal experience , you might too have come across people who are either of your age or elder to you calling you as ' Papa , Mummy or Uncle or Aunty '.According to me the only way to this problem is to address such people as ' Aunty , Uncle ' before they are able to address you as ' Papa , Uncle . Mummy or Aunty ' . Than only will realize how bad a person feels from within.
MISCONCEPTIONS WITH AVTAAR PIC
There is a boom of blogs on internet .In fact blogging has become a big business, there are several websites which pay good amount for blogging. In the process the websites earn through the advertisement they get. Depending upon the viewer ship of blogs & /or number of comments or the ratings & sometimes on the number of referrals , bloggers are paid by these websites. Generally female bloggers are luckier than male bloggers in getting more comments , ratings & referrals. Due to this fact at times male bloggers in order to improve the viewer ship of their blog prefer to be identified as woman. So they keep their display image & name of a woman .
In the above context , I remembered a funny incident which happened recently with my friend Vishal. My friend Vishal was blogging on a popular website named IBIBO . IBIBO was paying top 1000 bloggers every month some 3-4 months back. Keeping in mind that woman bloggers get better response in blogging , Vishal kept his display image of a woman & also his display name as ' CUTE BABE ' . Some male bloggers thinking that my friend was a young female , started commenting & rating his articles regularly. As Vishal used to write well the male bloggers developed interest in reading his articles. As time passed one of the male bloggers named RAJAT developed an attraction for my friend Vishal. Rajat started giving very personal comments which indicated that Rajat was falling in love with my friend Vishal. I used to read Vishal's articles regularly & therefore I used to come across Rajat's comment too. Initially I thought that it might be Rajat's way of appreciating Vishal's articles but later with some other Rajat's comment on Vishal's articles , I realized Rajat was imagining Vishal as a beautiful young woman. Rajat in one of his comments even proposed Vishal.
I felt that Rajat has been deeply attached with Vishal. So I suggested Vishal, to clear Rajat that he is not a female but Vishal said that he does not want to lose his viewer ship & a his fan. Vishal said that I have not asked Rajat to comment nor I am in any kind of personal communication with him. As Viashal & I are good friends , Vishal promised me that as soon as the blogging round will be over , he will change his display image & name. Rajat kept on commenting on Vishal's articles & he used to ask regularly Vishal for his email ID & mobile number. One day in his comments , Rajat wrote that he was imagining my friend Vishal in swimming costume. When Vishal & I read this we laughed like anything. Our cheeks were red & our stomach started paining badly. That day we decided that we should not hurt Rjat's feelings & so it is better to clear Rajat's misconception of Vishal being a female . Vishal immediately changed his display pic & he kept his own pic on display . Also he changed the display name from " CUTE BABE " TO " VISHAL " . We were waiting for Rajat's response & for few days he did not comment on Vishal's articles. However after some days he left a comment saying that he made a big mistake in his life & he is broken totally from within.
In my opinion it is good to read blogs on net but it is my advice do not be personal with any blogger & also do not go with the picture in the avtaar & the display name .As the name & pic may not be of the blogger or writer . Thus read the articles & blog with the aim of improving intellect .
In the above context , I remembered a funny incident which happened recently with my friend Vishal. My friend Vishal was blogging on a popular website named IBIBO . IBIBO was paying top 1000 bloggers every month some 3-4 months back. Keeping in mind that woman bloggers get better response in blogging , Vishal kept his display image of a woman & also his display name as ' CUTE BABE ' . Some male bloggers thinking that my friend was a young female , started commenting & rating his articles regularly. As Vishal used to write well the male bloggers developed interest in reading his articles. As time passed one of the male bloggers named RAJAT developed an attraction for my friend Vishal. Rajat started giving very personal comments which indicated that Rajat was falling in love with my friend Vishal. I used to read Vishal's articles regularly & therefore I used to come across Rajat's comment too. Initially I thought that it might be Rajat's way of appreciating Vishal's articles but later with some other Rajat's comment on Vishal's articles , I realized Rajat was imagining Vishal as a beautiful young woman. Rajat in one of his comments even proposed Vishal.
I felt that Rajat has been deeply attached with Vishal. So I suggested Vishal, to clear Rajat that he is not a female but Vishal said that he does not want to lose his viewer ship & a his fan. Vishal said that I have not asked Rajat to comment nor I am in any kind of personal communication with him. As Viashal & I are good friends , Vishal promised me that as soon as the blogging round will be over , he will change his display image & name. Rajat kept on commenting on Vishal's articles & he used to ask regularly Vishal for his email ID & mobile number. One day in his comments , Rajat wrote that he was imagining my friend Vishal in swimming costume. When Vishal & I read this we laughed like anything. Our cheeks were red & our stomach started paining badly. That day we decided that we should not hurt Rjat's feelings & so it is better to clear Rajat's misconception of Vishal being a female . Vishal immediately changed his display pic & he kept his own pic on display . Also he changed the display name from " CUTE BABE " TO " VISHAL " . We were waiting for Rajat's response & for few days he did not comment on Vishal's articles. However after some days he left a comment saying that he made a big mistake in his life & he is broken totally from within.
In my opinion it is good to read blogs on net but it is my advice do not be personal with any blogger & also do not go with the picture in the avtaar & the display name .As the name & pic may not be of the blogger or writer . Thus read the articles & blog with the aim of improving intellect .
STYLES OF LEADERSHIP
In a lay man’s definition a leader is a person who leads ,who knows the way , who shows the way& who walks the talk. Every social group has a leader within a family of four a father or a mother can be a leader. In a class a monitor is a leader . However every leader has his own style of leading the group.
Most of us are aware of two styles of leadership namely AUTOCRATIC & DEMOCRATIC .However Autocratic & Democratic are two extreme styles of leadership , there are several other styles of leadership which are combination of Autocratic & Democratic leadership .
1) AUTOCRATIC STYLE :- Autocratic style of leadership is also know as DIRECTIVE STYLE OF LEADERSHIP .An Autocratic leader makes all decisions by himself or herself & expects the whole group to follow his decisions . If any body questions or does not obey than the autocratic leader uses all kinds of negative techniques to ensure that his decisions are followed by every one . Generally under Autocratic leaders the group remains unhappy . However Autocratic leadership is required when the group has unskilled members or the members are highly indisciplined or during emergency situations like fire , storm etc.Autocratic leaders are further classified as
A) HARD BOILED AUTOCRAT :- This type of Autocratic leaders believe that they are the best & only Autocratic style of leadership can get things done from people .
B) BENVOLENT AUTOCRAT :- This type of Autocratic leaders are kind hearted & therefore uses positive techniques to make the group follow his decisions . For instance they may give leaves to employee .
C) MANIPULATIVE AUTOCRAT:-This type of Autocratic leaders are very dangerous as they will ask the group for their suggestions but at the end they will ask the whole group to follow what is already decided by the leader himself .
2) BUREAUCRATIC STYLE :- Bureaucrat leader is said to lead by the books ( BOOKS OF RULES )Such leaders sticks to the book of rules & procedures . They neither make decision by self nor he allows his subordinates to make decision .
3) FREE REIN OR LAISSEZ FAIRE :-The leader expects group to make decision ie leaves completely on the subordinates .Creative people work best under Free rein style of leadership. However there will be chaos in case of inexperienced & uneducated people .
4) PATERNALISTIC STYLE :-Is the style where the leader takes the role of FATHER FIGURE & treats the employee as his own children & all the employees perceive the business as family business . In return leader expects obedience ,respect , loyalty from the employees . However trade Unions has affected PATERNALISTIC STYLE OF LEADERSHIP .
5) DEMOCRATIC STYLE :- A democratic leader is one who allows the group to participate in the decision making process . The final decision has the elements of everybody’s suggestions . The group under democratic leader show lot on initiative .
Each of us lead the group in a different way &also each of us are member of various social groups therefore we should be aware of the different styles of leadership & the advantages & disadvantages of each style of leadership.
Most of us are aware of two styles of leadership namely AUTOCRATIC & DEMOCRATIC .However Autocratic & Democratic are two extreme styles of leadership , there are several other styles of leadership which are combination of Autocratic & Democratic leadership .
1) AUTOCRATIC STYLE :- Autocratic style of leadership is also know as DIRECTIVE STYLE OF LEADERSHIP .An Autocratic leader makes all decisions by himself or herself & expects the whole group to follow his decisions . If any body questions or does not obey than the autocratic leader uses all kinds of negative techniques to ensure that his decisions are followed by every one . Generally under Autocratic leaders the group remains unhappy . However Autocratic leadership is required when the group has unskilled members or the members are highly indisciplined or during emergency situations like fire , storm etc.Autocratic leaders are further classified as
A) HARD BOILED AUTOCRAT :- This type of Autocratic leaders believe that they are the best & only Autocratic style of leadership can get things done from people .
B) BENVOLENT AUTOCRAT :- This type of Autocratic leaders are kind hearted & therefore uses positive techniques to make the group follow his decisions . For instance they may give leaves to employee .
C) MANIPULATIVE AUTOCRAT:-This type of Autocratic leaders are very dangerous as they will ask the group for their suggestions but at the end they will ask the whole group to follow what is already decided by the leader himself .
2) BUREAUCRATIC STYLE :- Bureaucrat leader is said to lead by the books ( BOOKS OF RULES )Such leaders sticks to the book of rules & procedures . They neither make decision by self nor he allows his subordinates to make decision .
3) FREE REIN OR LAISSEZ FAIRE :-The leader expects group to make decision ie leaves completely on the subordinates .Creative people work best under Free rein style of leadership. However there will be chaos in case of inexperienced & uneducated people .
4) PATERNALISTIC STYLE :-Is the style where the leader takes the role of FATHER FIGURE & treats the employee as his own children & all the employees perceive the business as family business . In return leader expects obedience ,respect , loyalty from the employees . However trade Unions has affected PATERNALISTIC STYLE OF LEADERSHIP .
5) DEMOCRATIC STYLE :- A democratic leader is one who allows the group to participate in the decision making process . The final decision has the elements of everybody’s suggestions . The group under democratic leader show lot on initiative .
Each of us lead the group in a different way &also each of us are member of various social groups therefore we should be aware of the different styles of leadership & the advantages & disadvantages of each style of leadership.
CLASSICAL CONDITIONING
Even before a Doctor injects the needle we start shouting with pain or starts shivering. Also when we just see or hear about our favorite sweet dish we start salivating. All this happens due to a Psychological Phenomenon known as CLASSICAL CONDITIONING. CLASSICAL CONDITIONING is also known as PAVLOVIAN CONDITIONING. Classical Conditioning is defined as AUTOMATIC RESPONSE TO A SITUATION BUILT UP THROUGH REPEATED EXPOSURE.
Russian Psychologist, IVAN PAVLOV was the first to explain CLASSICAL CONDITIONING by performing an experiment on hungry dog’s .In his experiment his team used to ring a bell & immediately after ringing the bell, Ivan Pavlov applied meat paste on the tongue of hungry salivating dogs. He repeated the procedure of ringing bell & applying meat paste several times as a result of which after few repetitions the dogs start salivating when they heard the sound of ringing bell even though the dogs were not hungry.
When Psychologist Ivan Pavlov started his experiment the dogs salivated when they were hungry but later the dogs started salivating when they heard the sound of the bell . This happened because the dogs associated the sound of bell with the application of meat paste on the tongue. Similarly most of us with repeated past experiences have associated the injection with pain therefore even before the doctor injects needle we start screaming or shivering.
Russian Psychologist, IVAN PAVLOV was the first to explain CLASSICAL CONDITIONING by performing an experiment on hungry dog’s .In his experiment his team used to ring a bell & immediately after ringing the bell, Ivan Pavlov applied meat paste on the tongue of hungry salivating dogs. He repeated the procedure of ringing bell & applying meat paste several times as a result of which after few repetitions the dogs start salivating when they heard the sound of ringing bell even though the dogs were not hungry.
When Psychologist Ivan Pavlov started his experiment the dogs salivated when they were hungry but later the dogs started salivating when they heard the sound of the bell . This happened because the dogs associated the sound of bell with the application of meat paste on the tongue. Similarly most of us with repeated past experiences have associated the injection with pain therefore even before the doctor injects needle we start screaming or shivering.
SOCIAL FACILITATION
Have you ever noticed the following?
-You finish faster mindless task like washing clothes, dishes etc when somebody is near by you.
- You perform well tasks, in which you have gained expertise when some one is near by you.
- You find difficulties in accomplishing a work or a job like writing an essay or poem or any other complicated work in presence of another person.
If you have experienced the above in your life than you must have thought that why it happens? & does it happen with every one. So let me answer today your queries. It happens with all of us & it occurs due to a psychological phenomenon known as SOCIAL FACILITATION. SOCIAL FACILITATION is defined as A TENDENCY TO DO BETTER ON EASY TASKS & WORSE ON DIFFICULT TASKS WHEN ANOTHER PERSON IS NEAR BY. Studies have shown that presence of another person have an important influence on performance.
It is very important for each one of us to understand SOCIAL FACILITATION because it affects our judgment about other individual’s abilities. To elicit on this I am sharing with you my own life experience that how because of presence of another person my performance was affected & because of this the other person judged me wrong.
Few years back I joined a Hair styling & Dressing course. Unfortunately I joined late so I missed 3 months course. As a consequence I was weak in comparison to other students. Also the teacher Mrs. Aasha Raza did not give me any special attention .Therefore I was not as good as other fellow students in making hair styles. One day Mrs. Aasha asked all the students to make hair styles on each other’s heads. I was asked to make French Plat. As I was doing my work quietly, the teacher came & stood by me. As a consequence I was nervous & was unable to make the hair style as good as others. Mrs. Aasha scolded me & said that my finger movements are not proper & she strongly thinks that I even do not know how to knead a dough. So I should join her cooking classes too .Mrs. Raza was absolutely wrong in saying that I do not know how to knead a dough because I am good in making dough & preparing different types of Parathas , Puris etc.
The above incident happened because Mrs. Raza did not realize that her presence made me nervous & as a result I was not able to make the hair style properly & so she judged me wrongly. Thus you should understand that your presence can make another person perform well if he is doing a task in which one does not require much skill or the person is engaged in a task in which he or she has been trained perfectly. On the other hand your presence can make the other person do worst if he or she is doing a complicated work or work in which is not trained well.
-You finish faster mindless task like washing clothes, dishes etc when somebody is near by you.
- You perform well tasks, in which you have gained expertise when some one is near by you.
- You find difficulties in accomplishing a work or a job like writing an essay or poem or any other complicated work in presence of another person.
If you have experienced the above in your life than you must have thought that why it happens? & does it happen with every one. So let me answer today your queries. It happens with all of us & it occurs due to a psychological phenomenon known as SOCIAL FACILITATION. SOCIAL FACILITATION is defined as A TENDENCY TO DO BETTER ON EASY TASKS & WORSE ON DIFFICULT TASKS WHEN ANOTHER PERSON IS NEAR BY. Studies have shown that presence of another person have an important influence on performance.
It is very important for each one of us to understand SOCIAL FACILITATION because it affects our judgment about other individual’s abilities. To elicit on this I am sharing with you my own life experience that how because of presence of another person my performance was affected & because of this the other person judged me wrong.
Few years back I joined a Hair styling & Dressing course. Unfortunately I joined late so I missed 3 months course. As a consequence I was weak in comparison to other students. Also the teacher Mrs. Aasha Raza did not give me any special attention .Therefore I was not as good as other fellow students in making hair styles. One day Mrs. Aasha asked all the students to make hair styles on each other’s heads. I was asked to make French Plat. As I was doing my work quietly, the teacher came & stood by me. As a consequence I was nervous & was unable to make the hair style as good as others. Mrs. Aasha scolded me & said that my finger movements are not proper & she strongly thinks that I even do not know how to knead a dough. So I should join her cooking classes too .Mrs. Raza was absolutely wrong in saying that I do not know how to knead a dough because I am good in making dough & preparing different types of Parathas , Puris etc.
The above incident happened because Mrs. Raza did not realize that her presence made me nervous & as a result I was not able to make the hair style properly & so she judged me wrongly. Thus you should understand that your presence can make another person perform well if he is doing a task in which one does not require much skill or the person is engaged in a task in which he or she has been trained perfectly. On the other hand your presence can make the other person do worst if he or she is doing a complicated work or work in which is not trained well.
UNPRODUCTIVE STRATEGIES OF RESOVING INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS
When ever there is a conflict between two or more individuals it is either resolved using Productive or Unproductive strategies... productive Strategies are EMPATHY, EQUALITY, POSITIVENESS, and SUPPORTIVENESS & OPENNESS . However in this article I will only focus on Unproductive strategies &we all use them consciously or unconsciously.
1) FORCE:
Most of the time it is the force strategy which is used to resolve interpersonal conflict .In force the individual tries to make use of physical power or techniques like threatening. By using the strategy of force the actual issue which raised conflict is avoided & the person who excreted maximum force wins. According to researcher Mark Deturek, men make more use of FORCE than women in resolving interpersonal conflicts.
2) MINIMIZATION:
In minimization strategy conflict is resolved by leaving it on time. Many people believe that with time conflict will be resolved. However interpersonal conflicts are never resolved completely with time. Sometimes we minimize a conflict with humor & literally laugh at it but this technique does nothing to resolve the problem because when the laughter dies the conflict is still very much alive & in fact the conflict gets further energized because of sarcastic attacks made by each other through humor.
To illustrate this I am sharing with you an example. When I was 9 I went to Gujarat on tour. In the bus there were many families with their young children. There was one boy who was around 7 years. I just asked him what is your name. Instead of replying me he slapped me tightly in front of every one. My parents felt very bad but they did not say anything to the boy instead they started laughing & said to his parents that your son will go ahead in his life. Although the whole event was passed in laugher but my the conflict was still not resolved in fact the hatred was there within me & through out the journey I looked the boy with anger & keep thinking of slapping him tightly .
3) BLAME:
A frequently employed strategy is to avoid dealing with the conflict by blaming some for it. For example. A couple has a conflict because their son did not pass in examination. The father will blame mother for not taking proper care of the son. The mother will blame the father for giving the son extra freedom. Blaming solves nothing but it temporarily decreases the intensity of conflict.
4) SILENCERS:
One of the most unfair but most popular fight strategies is the use of Silencers. One frequently used Silencer is CRYING .When confronted by a conflict & unable to deal with it or winning is difficult .The individual cries & thus silences the other person.
Another silencer are screaming, shouting & pretending to be fainting. By using the strategy of Silencers the Conflict remains unexamined & unresolved.
5) GUNNY SACKING :
Gunny sacking refers to storing up grievances – as if in a gunny sack & holding them in a readiness to dump on the person with whom you are now in conflict .When a conflict occurs the sack is unloaded. For eg ) You always forget our dates last year you forgot my birthday. Gunny sacking opens old wounds & avoids coming to grips with the immediate conflict.
6) BELT LINING:
Each of us has a belt line that separates what we can tolerate effectively from what we cannot. In an interpersonal relationship we know where that belt line is because we know the other person so well .The task is not to go below that line in conflict encounters. However sometimes we hit below the belt line for eg ) saying about the person’s baldness, impotence, previous failures, low salary etc. . . Belt lining is used by persons who want to win the fight & destroy the opponent. However this strategy completely damages interpersonal relationship.
7) PERSONAL REJECTION:
In personal rejection the individual withholds love & affection & seeks to win the argument by getting the other person break down under this withdrawal. The individual acts cold & uncaring. For eg ) when ever I & my mother have conflict she does not talk to him for few hours & tires to avoid me because of this I feel neglected & than when she feels I am demoralized she re- institutes her love & affection .
1) FORCE:
Most of the time it is the force strategy which is used to resolve interpersonal conflict .In force the individual tries to make use of physical power or techniques like threatening. By using the strategy of force the actual issue which raised conflict is avoided & the person who excreted maximum force wins. According to researcher Mark Deturek, men make more use of FORCE than women in resolving interpersonal conflicts.
2) MINIMIZATION:
In minimization strategy conflict is resolved by leaving it on time. Many people believe that with time conflict will be resolved. However interpersonal conflicts are never resolved completely with time. Sometimes we minimize a conflict with humor & literally laugh at it but this technique does nothing to resolve the problem because when the laughter dies the conflict is still very much alive & in fact the conflict gets further energized because of sarcastic attacks made by each other through humor.
To illustrate this I am sharing with you an example. When I was 9 I went to Gujarat on tour. In the bus there were many families with their young children. There was one boy who was around 7 years. I just asked him what is your name. Instead of replying me he slapped me tightly in front of every one. My parents felt very bad but they did not say anything to the boy instead they started laughing & said to his parents that your son will go ahead in his life. Although the whole event was passed in laugher but my the conflict was still not resolved in fact the hatred was there within me & through out the journey I looked the boy with anger & keep thinking of slapping him tightly .
3) BLAME:
A frequently employed strategy is to avoid dealing with the conflict by blaming some for it. For example. A couple has a conflict because their son did not pass in examination. The father will blame mother for not taking proper care of the son. The mother will blame the father for giving the son extra freedom. Blaming solves nothing but it temporarily decreases the intensity of conflict.
4) SILENCERS:
One of the most unfair but most popular fight strategies is the use of Silencers. One frequently used Silencer is CRYING .When confronted by a conflict & unable to deal with it or winning is difficult .The individual cries & thus silences the other person.
Another silencer are screaming, shouting & pretending to be fainting. By using the strategy of Silencers the Conflict remains unexamined & unresolved.
5) GUNNY SACKING :
Gunny sacking refers to storing up grievances – as if in a gunny sack & holding them in a readiness to dump on the person with whom you are now in conflict .When a conflict occurs the sack is unloaded. For eg ) You always forget our dates last year you forgot my birthday. Gunny sacking opens old wounds & avoids coming to grips with the immediate conflict.
6) BELT LINING:
Each of us has a belt line that separates what we can tolerate effectively from what we cannot. In an interpersonal relationship we know where that belt line is because we know the other person so well .The task is not to go below that line in conflict encounters. However sometimes we hit below the belt line for eg ) saying about the person’s baldness, impotence, previous failures, low salary etc. . . Belt lining is used by persons who want to win the fight & destroy the opponent. However this strategy completely damages interpersonal relationship.
7) PERSONAL REJECTION:
In personal rejection the individual withholds love & affection & seeks to win the argument by getting the other person break down under this withdrawal. The individual acts cold & uncaring. For eg ) when ever I & my mother have conflict she does not talk to him for few hours & tires to avoid me because of this I feel neglected & than when she feels I am demoralized she re- institutes her love & affection .
WHEN WE FAIL TO FULL FILL OUR DREAMS
With my imagination I tried to sketch Manik Iraani. Please excuse me for not sketching properly because I just sketched it with my imagination .The more than 6 feet tall handsome Parsi man passed away some 10 years back. Many of us have forgotten him as he did not do any significant work in bollywood movies. He only played the role of a GUNDA & in all the movies he acted , you will find him in black trouser with a shining metallic belt ,sometimes without baniyaan on top & sometimes with red or black sleeveless baniyaan & last but not least a black colored leather band on his forehead .
One movie which I remembered , in which he acted was MASTKALANDAR staring DHARMENDRA & DIMPLE KAPADIA .In all the movies he had same role & mostly he never spoke . He just used to come out of drums, shows his biceps & than he used to smile. Finally he hits the main hero. He gives two three blows but than the hero beats him badly & breaks his bones. This is the role which he has done in all the movies .Although I have not seen him but people who had seen him say that he was a body builder & very tall & handsome guy but unfortunately he never got a decent role in bollywood, which he always desired. Yes Manik's ambition was to become a hero & not a Gunda.
With my brief description about MANIK IRANI by now many of you have sketched a picture of him in your mind. Coming back to my point. Manik Irani's dream was to become a hero but he never got the chance .When he failed in full filling his dreams one day he committed suicide .At a very young age he left all of us & his widow mother all alone.
Since Manik did not do any great work in bollywood, his death was not hyped by media & in fact no one missed him because there are many people who act as Gunda. However I came to know about his death from his friend FARHAAD. Farhaad used to work in our building . He one day told to my mother about Manik Iraani & about Manik Irani's mother who was that time earning her daily bread by selling petty things. Now I do not know what happened to Manik Irani's mother because it has already been more than 10 years.
Now this is not the story of Manik Irani alone. There are many people who when fail in fulfilling their ambitions restore to immature ways like committing suicide. It happens with each one of us in life when we get frustrated because of failure but it is not correct to commit suicide because there are people behind us who care & love us we should think about them first .Also time changes & one should keep trying luck till death.
THE CHOICE FOR A LIFE PARTNER
Marriage is a social custom which is given importance in most of the human societies all over the world & hence mate selection is a crucial part in marriage .
Psychologists & Sociologists have developed several theories which deal with mate selection .These theories mainly suggest the factors that govern consciously or unconsciously an individual's choice for a mate. There are various theories however I am mentioning the
common & popular theories of mate selection.
1 ) HOMOGAMY THEORY :
According to this theory individuals choose life partner who also has the same religion , race , social status & economical status as he or she has.According to Psychologists the more the couple is homogamous the better is their married life.
2 ) PROPINQUITY THEORY :
According to this theory individuals often choose to marry a person with whom they are working in office for a long time or studying in same college or staying in same area or locality.The theory is based on the fact the individuals who work together or in same area or company or study in same class or college or stay in same area meet daily or occasionally & therefore develop some kind of attraction which influences their decision of mate selection.
3) COMPLEMENTARY NEED THEORY :
The theory has been propounded by Winch .According to this theory the individual seeks out a mate to complement his or her own personality. Winch suggests that in mate selection the need pattern of each spouse will be complementary rather than similar to the need pattern of the other spouse .In other words the person choose a mate who will fill out the weaknesses in his or her personality.
4) PARENTAL IMAGE THEORY :
Psychologist Sigmund Freud proposed this theory. According to this theory a child develops a deep attachment for the parent of opposite sex. Therefore in a partner the youth tends to seek the quality of his opposite sex parent .Thus a girl wishes to marry a man who has similar traits of her father & man wants to marry a woman who has similar traits of his mother. These theories govern our choice of mate consciously or unsconciously
Psychologists & Sociologists have developed several theories which deal with mate selection .These theories mainly suggest the factors that govern consciously or unconsciously an individual's choice for a mate. There are various theories however I am mentioning the
common & popular theories of mate selection.
1 ) HOMOGAMY THEORY :
According to this theory individuals choose life partner who also has the same religion , race , social status & economical status as he or she has.According to Psychologists the more the couple is homogamous the better is their married life.
2 ) PROPINQUITY THEORY :
According to this theory individuals often choose to marry a person with whom they are working in office for a long time or studying in same college or staying in same area or locality.The theory is based on the fact the individuals who work together or in same area or company or study in same class or college or stay in same area meet daily or occasionally & therefore develop some kind of attraction which influences their decision of mate selection.
3) COMPLEMENTARY NEED THEORY :
The theory has been propounded by Winch .According to this theory the individual seeks out a mate to complement his or her own personality. Winch suggests that in mate selection the need pattern of each spouse will be complementary rather than similar to the need pattern of the other spouse .In other words the person choose a mate who will fill out the weaknesses in his or her personality.
4) PARENTAL IMAGE THEORY :
Psychologist Sigmund Freud proposed this theory. According to this theory a child develops a deep attachment for the parent of opposite sex. Therefore in a partner the youth tends to seek the quality of his opposite sex parent .Thus a girl wishes to marry a man who has similar traits of her father & man wants to marry a woman who has similar traits of his mother. These theories govern our choice of mate consciously or unsconciously
WHY ' LIVE-IN-RELATIONSHP ' ?
Marriage is a social Institution which is accepted by most of the societies in the world. However there are few societies which accept ' Live In Relation ' . In European countries ' Live In Relationships ' are very common. Two people of opposite gender freely live under one roof , they share their emotions , satisfy sexual urges and even give birth to child without getting married.In India and other Asian countries Live In Relationships are not socially accepted but still there are individuals who choose this type of relationship.
Couples who love each other but lack commitment prefer ' Live In Relation ' . According to Psychologist Robert Sternberg Love between a couple ,has three components , Commitment , Intimacy and Passion . Couples who lack Commitment component in their love and only experience strong feeling of Intimacy and Passion , Choose Live in Relationship. Commitment is a major component of love. It is responsible for long lasting relationship and sincerity between couples. When Commitment is not present marriage breaks. Thus a major difference between Marriage and Live in Relation is that married couples have commitment and couples living in Live in relation lack commitment. However it is possible that Live in Relationship couples experience commitment later in their relation and wish to marry each other.
Now it is important to know that , why some individuals lack commitment component in their love ? It has been seen that children whose parents got separated by divorce , develop a feeling that marriage is not good , it only gives tension , pain , conflicts & grief. As they grow up their negative feeling towards marriage become stronger . When such individuals fall in love with some one, although they want to live with that person( the person whom they start loving ) but their past experience & negative feelings towards marriage do not allow them to commit for marriage. So they choose ' Live in Relationship ' as such individual experience very strong feeling of Intimacy & Passion towards the person they love. Another reason is children who have been brought up in families where there have been lot of extra marital affairs or in other words one or both parents of child have love affairs with other individuals & therefore the child has not seen the commitment part of love between his or her parents . Such children when grow up do not want to go for a committed relation like marriage. Peer influence to some extent also responsible for ' Live in relation '.
Live in relationship couples face problems , when one of the partner start feeling commitment in love & other does not. At this moment the partner wishes to marry but the other partner refuses & forces to continue living together without marriage. Conflict arises which eventually leads to break ups & emotional distress . Since ' Live in Relation ' does not have any legal implication the female cannot expect for any money or property from the male.Also children born to such couples are not considered legal . So they too have a dark future as they will be brought up by single parent & there are chances that the child will too lack commitment component of love when he or she will grew up.' Live In Relation ' do not last for very long time either it ends up in marriage or permanent separation of the couples but mostly it ends up with separation.
Thus in a nut shell ' Live in Relation ' have short life span as the commitment component of love is missing . Commitment between couples is very essential for a lasting relation.
Couples who love each other but lack commitment prefer ' Live In Relation ' . According to Psychologist Robert Sternberg Love between a couple ,has three components , Commitment , Intimacy and Passion . Couples who lack Commitment component in their love and only experience strong feeling of Intimacy and Passion , Choose Live in Relationship. Commitment is a major component of love. It is responsible for long lasting relationship and sincerity between couples. When Commitment is not present marriage breaks. Thus a major difference between Marriage and Live in Relation is that married couples have commitment and couples living in Live in relation lack commitment. However it is possible that Live in Relationship couples experience commitment later in their relation and wish to marry each other.
Now it is important to know that , why some individuals lack commitment component in their love ? It has been seen that children whose parents got separated by divorce , develop a feeling that marriage is not good , it only gives tension , pain , conflicts & grief. As they grow up their negative feeling towards marriage become stronger . When such individuals fall in love with some one, although they want to live with that person( the person whom they start loving ) but their past experience & negative feelings towards marriage do not allow them to commit for marriage. So they choose ' Live in Relationship ' as such individual experience very strong feeling of Intimacy & Passion towards the person they love. Another reason is children who have been brought up in families where there have been lot of extra marital affairs or in other words one or both parents of child have love affairs with other individuals & therefore the child has not seen the commitment part of love between his or her parents . Such children when grow up do not want to go for a committed relation like marriage. Peer influence to some extent also responsible for ' Live in relation '.
Live in relationship couples face problems , when one of the partner start feeling commitment in love & other does not. At this moment the partner wishes to marry but the other partner refuses & forces to continue living together without marriage. Conflict arises which eventually leads to break ups & emotional distress . Since ' Live in Relation ' does not have any legal implication the female cannot expect for any money or property from the male.Also children born to such couples are not considered legal . So they too have a dark future as they will be brought up by single parent & there are chances that the child will too lack commitment component of love when he or she will grew up.' Live In Relation ' do not last for very long time either it ends up in marriage or permanent separation of the couples but mostly it ends up with separation.
Thus in a nut shell ' Live in Relation ' have short life span as the commitment component of love is missing . Commitment between couples is very essential for a lasting relation.
EMPATHY & ITS IMPORATNCE
Empathy in lay man's language means putting your feet in other person's shoes or assuming yourself in other's situation or looking from other person's perspectives. Empathy is a very important tool for effective communication . Unless & until we do not put our self in other person's situation or position we cannot understand that individual's behavior accurately .In this context I am sharing with you my personal life experience.
I was around 9 & was studying in second standard of Hill Grange High School . One day my class teacher announced that there is a Puppet show in Prithvi theatre & the ticket is 15 Rs per head . All the students who wish to attended the show have to pay 15 Rs within 3 days .I told my mother about the puppet show but my mother refused & I informed the teacher too about it. However except for me all my classmates paid for the show. My class teacher than announced that there will be on holiday for the students , all students have to come to school on regular time & till 11.00 am there will be classes & than all the students who have paid will be taken to the theatre for the Puppet show by the school bus. So according to the teachers instructions I went to school on the day when the teacher was going to take students for the puppet show.As usual the teacher thought us till 11.00 am & than asked all the students to pack their bags & should get ready to leave for the Puppet show. I too packed my bag & was about to leave for my home as I was not going for the show but my class teacher came to me & said that all the students are going for the show except for me & I should also not miss that show. I said to my teacher that my parents are not allowing me & also I do not have 15 Rs right now to pay for the ticket . My teacher told that it is ok & I can pay later. After thinking for a while I agreed & along with other students I too boarded in the school bus to go for the puppet show.It took nearly half an hour to reach the theatre . The show was approximately 2 hours long but I was not enjoying it because I was feeling very hungry & I did not have the lunch box nor money to buy something from the theatre canteen. Still I managed to watch the show. Around 1.30 pm we again left from the theatre & came back to school around 2.00 pm. Since I was feeling very hungry I ran & went to my house. My house was within a stones throw from the school so I reached home in 5 minutes.
When I reached home my mother was red in anger , in loud voice she asked me where I was for last three hours ? As I had promised to come at home from school around 11.00 am . She said that since I did not come back from school for so long she searched me in the whole school premises & she even enquired about me from other teachers & school staff. My mother scolded me very badly , she told that she was about to call my father to inform him about the missing of their daughter from the school. After hearing her shouting I told that I was about to come home but the teacher told me that all students are going & I should also accompany , therefore I went with the other students for the puppet show.On hearing this she calmed down for a while & than told me not to go any where without informing her hence forth. I said ok. Although I said sorry to my mother but from within I felt that why she shouted at me , I just went with the other students of my class . I thought that why she is so tensed if I did not come home on time . It is ok if I am late. That day I did not realize my mother's behavior because I did not put my feet in her shoes may be because of my age. However now when I think of the same incident & imagine my self as mother of 9 years old girl & my daughter going for a puppet show from school without informing me I feel that my mother was right . I realized her emotions & feel how worried she must be for me that day when I went for the Puppet show without informing her.Thus Empathy is very essential it enable us to understand other individual's behavior properly & it also help us to give right decision. Therefore first empathize i.e. is put your feet in other's shoes & than only give your opinion or decision.
I was around 9 & was studying in second standard of Hill Grange High School . One day my class teacher announced that there is a Puppet show in Prithvi theatre & the ticket is 15 Rs per head . All the students who wish to attended the show have to pay 15 Rs within 3 days .I told my mother about the puppet show but my mother refused & I informed the teacher too about it. However except for me all my classmates paid for the show. My class teacher than announced that there will be on holiday for the students , all students have to come to school on regular time & till 11.00 am there will be classes & than all the students who have paid will be taken to the theatre for the Puppet show by the school bus. So according to the teachers instructions I went to school on the day when the teacher was going to take students for the puppet show.As usual the teacher thought us till 11.00 am & than asked all the students to pack their bags & should get ready to leave for the Puppet show. I too packed my bag & was about to leave for my home as I was not going for the show but my class teacher came to me & said that all the students are going for the show except for me & I should also not miss that show. I said to my teacher that my parents are not allowing me & also I do not have 15 Rs right now to pay for the ticket . My teacher told that it is ok & I can pay later. After thinking for a while I agreed & along with other students I too boarded in the school bus to go for the puppet show.It took nearly half an hour to reach the theatre . The show was approximately 2 hours long but I was not enjoying it because I was feeling very hungry & I did not have the lunch box nor money to buy something from the theatre canteen. Still I managed to watch the show. Around 1.30 pm we again left from the theatre & came back to school around 2.00 pm. Since I was feeling very hungry I ran & went to my house. My house was within a stones throw from the school so I reached home in 5 minutes.
When I reached home my mother was red in anger , in loud voice she asked me where I was for last three hours ? As I had promised to come at home from school around 11.00 am . She said that since I did not come back from school for so long she searched me in the whole school premises & she even enquired about me from other teachers & school staff. My mother scolded me very badly , she told that she was about to call my father to inform him about the missing of their daughter from the school. After hearing her shouting I told that I was about to come home but the teacher told me that all students are going & I should also accompany , therefore I went with the other students for the puppet show.On hearing this she calmed down for a while & than told me not to go any where without informing her hence forth. I said ok. Although I said sorry to my mother but from within I felt that why she shouted at me , I just went with the other students of my class . I thought that why she is so tensed if I did not come home on time . It is ok if I am late. That day I did not realize my mother's behavior because I did not put my feet in her shoes may be because of my age. However now when I think of the same incident & imagine my self as mother of 9 years old girl & my daughter going for a puppet show from school without informing me I feel that my mother was right . I realized her emotions & feel how worried she must be for me that day when I went for the Puppet show without informing her.Thus Empathy is very essential it enable us to understand other individual's behavior properly & it also help us to give right decision. Therefore first empathize i.e. is put your feet in other's shoes & than only give your opinion or decision.
HOW YOUR NAME CAN MAKE YOU FEEL AWKWARD
People face embarrassment because of their names. This happens either because of wrong pronunciation of the name by some one or because the name is meaningless or sometimes because of the unisexual nature of name .
We all feel disgusted when our names are pronounced wrongly & the embarrassment is more when our name is purposely pronounced wrong by some one. For instance when I was in school , we were taught music by a Sir whose name was Mr. Deepak , he used to purposely call my classmate Sana as ' Sanam '. Sana used to feel very irritated when he used to call her ' Sanam' . Sana is a Arabic word meaning Prayer & Sanam means Lover.Not only the pronunciation but the meaning of the name to at times make the person look down.People generally ask the meaning of the unusual names & many times it happen the person with the unusual name does not know the meaning of his or her name & so people laugh & advice the individual to ask his or her parents about the meaning of the name.Often it also happens that the person's name is meaningless & when he or she asked the meaning of the name by somebody the person tells some funny or irrelevant meaning of his or her own name . Recently I met a young Indian girl & I asked her name , she replied ' HALISHA '.I asked her what does it mean , she said ' HEAVEN'S CINDERELLA ' . I felt like laughing because Cinderella is a fiction character & there is nothing like Heaven's Cinderella . I further enquired that is it an Indian name , the girl said yes..Now according to my knowledge in no Indian language there is the name Halisha . It is just a self created name & it is meaningless. Halisha can be meaningful if this little girl becomes a renowned personality of our nation than people can keep their daughter's name as Halisha & can say that it is the name of a popular person . There are also certain names which does not mean very good & still people choose that name for their children for eg ) Vipin means Jungle & still people keep their son's name as Vipin.
Unisexual names occasionally make the person feel awkward . Names common to both men & women like Prem , Kiran , Shashi , Poonam , Mithlesh etc are unisexual names .To emphasize on this point I am sharing with you my personal experience.As you know my name is ' MOKSHA ' . Although there is alphabet ' A ' in the end of my name , still most people pronounce & write as ' MOKSH ' & therefore many people who do not know me personally consider me as male .Recently I open an account in ORIENTAL BANK OF COMMERCE . When I checked my account on internet , I found my name as ' Mr. Moksha '. I went to the bank & told about it to the bank assistant . On hearing this he laughed & thought I am joking . He than checked my name on internet & when he saw that I was made as male by the bank , he started laughing & said that the person who has updated my details on net had considered you me as male . He also told the same thing to other bankers & all the bankers started laughing. Although meaning wise my name is very good & people always compliment me for that but because of the unisexual nature of my name , people often consider me as male , which makes me feel very embarrassing.
Sometimes the name of the person make him or her feel awkward when somebody else shares the same name & that person is known for something bad or has done something evil or socially unacceptable .Do you remember ' BALBEER PASHA ' . Yes this name was used in the Aids advertisement few years back. Many men whose name was also Balbeer changed their name to Bala or something else because they were teased by others.Thus your name can make you feel awkward if it pronounced wrongly by some one or if it meaningless or if you do not know the proper meaning of your name or some one else shares your name & that person is known for something bad or evil.
We all feel disgusted when our names are pronounced wrongly & the embarrassment is more when our name is purposely pronounced wrong by some one. For instance when I was in school , we were taught music by a Sir whose name was Mr. Deepak , he used to purposely call my classmate Sana as ' Sanam '. Sana used to feel very irritated when he used to call her ' Sanam' . Sana is a Arabic word meaning Prayer & Sanam means Lover.Not only the pronunciation but the meaning of the name to at times make the person look down.People generally ask the meaning of the unusual names & many times it happen the person with the unusual name does not know the meaning of his or her name & so people laugh & advice the individual to ask his or her parents about the meaning of the name.Often it also happens that the person's name is meaningless & when he or she asked the meaning of the name by somebody the person tells some funny or irrelevant meaning of his or her own name . Recently I met a young Indian girl & I asked her name , she replied ' HALISHA '.I asked her what does it mean , she said ' HEAVEN'S CINDERELLA ' . I felt like laughing because Cinderella is a fiction character & there is nothing like Heaven's Cinderella . I further enquired that is it an Indian name , the girl said yes..Now according to my knowledge in no Indian language there is the name Halisha . It is just a self created name & it is meaningless. Halisha can be meaningful if this little girl becomes a renowned personality of our nation than people can keep their daughter's name as Halisha & can say that it is the name of a popular person . There are also certain names which does not mean very good & still people choose that name for their children for eg ) Vipin means Jungle & still people keep their son's name as Vipin.
Unisexual names occasionally make the person feel awkward . Names common to both men & women like Prem , Kiran , Shashi , Poonam , Mithlesh etc are unisexual names .To emphasize on this point I am sharing with you my personal experience.As you know my name is ' MOKSHA ' . Although there is alphabet ' A ' in the end of my name , still most people pronounce & write as ' MOKSH ' & therefore many people who do not know me personally consider me as male .Recently I open an account in ORIENTAL BANK OF COMMERCE . When I checked my account on internet , I found my name as ' Mr. Moksha '. I went to the bank & told about it to the bank assistant . On hearing this he laughed & thought I am joking . He than checked my name on internet & when he saw that I was made as male by the bank , he started laughing & said that the person who has updated my details on net had considered you me as male . He also told the same thing to other bankers & all the bankers started laughing. Although meaning wise my name is very good & people always compliment me for that but because of the unisexual nature of my name , people often consider me as male , which makes me feel very embarrassing.
Sometimes the name of the person make him or her feel awkward when somebody else shares the same name & that person is known for something bad or has done something evil or socially unacceptable .Do you remember ' BALBEER PASHA ' . Yes this name was used in the Aids advertisement few years back. Many men whose name was also Balbeer changed their name to Bala or something else because they were teased by others.Thus your name can make you feel awkward if it pronounced wrongly by some one or if it meaningless or if you do not know the proper meaning of your name or some one else shares your name & that person is known for something bad or evil.
HOW TO CORRECT OTHERS FOR THEIR FOLLY
Many people have a habit of correcting others. As soon as they find other person making a mistake , they immediately try to correct the person. Correcting other for their mistake is a good habit.However most of the people who correct others consciously or unconsciously try to pose others that they are more wise , intelligent & socially responsible person & therefore they have the right to correct others . As a result of which while correcting an individual for his or her folly , they make the individual who has made a mistake , feel humiliated. Sometimes the mistake is so small but the person who corrects it makes it so big in front of other people that the person who has committed a mistake feel so disgusted that the person thinks even of committing suicide . Thus I want to say that if we see some one making a mistake , we should always try to correct the person but without letting the person feel inferior or useless.Unfortunately people make the person who has made the folly feel humiliated .As a consequence the person who has been corrected does not realize that he or she is being corrected for his or her well being & the individual instead of thanking the person who has corrected him or her, hates the person. In this context a remembered my college incident .
When I was doing PG in Dietetics from IHMCTAN , we had practicals in Therapeutic Dietetics . In the practicals of Therapeutic Dietetics all the students have to plan a whole day diet of person suffering from a particular disease & than have to cook either Break Fast or Lunch or Dinner from the whole day diet plan of the patient.After cooking the meal we have to display it & the Professor would than discuss the pros & cons of the diet plan with the whole class . My friend Lakshmi along with other students planned a diet for Diabetic patient & than she cooked & displayed the lunch items on the table . Our Professor Shanta Devi asked the student to stand up & speak about their patient & the diet plan which they have designed. When Lakshmi's turn came , she stood & spoke about her Diabetic patient & also the diet which she has prescribed . As she was explaining her case study she pronounced the word ' MUSHY ' as ' MASHY ' .I do not remember in which context she used the word ' MASHY ' but what I cannot forget forever is the way our Professor Ms. Shanta Devi corrected her .Ms. Shanta Devi humiliated Lakshmi so badly for just pronouncing a word wrongly.Although she thought her the correct pronunciation of the word ' MUSHY ' but the way was absolutely disgusting .
Ms. Shanta Devi laughed at Lakshmi , she told her that she should be sent back to school to learn English . Not only this the professor said that she does not deserve a PG degree & she will never be able to practice as Dietician in her life. Ms. Shanta Devi said all this in front of whole class & other girls started laughing. The professor than called other teachers & said that , Lakshmi does not know how to pronounce the word ' MUSHY '. l was looking at Lakshmi , she did not cried bit her plight was pathetic . I feel that you might be thinking that Ms. Shanta devi did this with Lakshmi because she might not like her personally but no you are not thinking right as after a month a similar incident happen with another classmate of mine . She also have to look down because of wrong pronunciation. Now whenever I think of this incident , I feel Shanta mam should have called Lakshmi privately & should have told her the correct pronunciation of the word ' MUSHY ; rather than making her feel humiliated in front of whole class & other teachers.
Thus we should always correct others for their mistake but we should never humiliate them & also we should not try to pose our self more intelligent while correcting other for his or her folly. By humiliating we will never be able to show the right path to a person instead humiliation give rise to haltered & animosity.
When I was doing PG in Dietetics from IHMCTAN , we had practicals in Therapeutic Dietetics . In the practicals of Therapeutic Dietetics all the students have to plan a whole day diet of person suffering from a particular disease & than have to cook either Break Fast or Lunch or Dinner from the whole day diet plan of the patient.After cooking the meal we have to display it & the Professor would than discuss the pros & cons of the diet plan with the whole class . My friend Lakshmi along with other students planned a diet for Diabetic patient & than she cooked & displayed the lunch items on the table . Our Professor Shanta Devi asked the student to stand up & speak about their patient & the diet plan which they have designed. When Lakshmi's turn came , she stood & spoke about her Diabetic patient & also the diet which she has prescribed . As she was explaining her case study she pronounced the word ' MUSHY ' as ' MASHY ' .I do not remember in which context she used the word ' MASHY ' but what I cannot forget forever is the way our Professor Ms. Shanta Devi corrected her .Ms. Shanta Devi humiliated Lakshmi so badly for just pronouncing a word wrongly.Although she thought her the correct pronunciation of the word ' MUSHY ' but the way was absolutely disgusting .
Ms. Shanta Devi laughed at Lakshmi , she told her that she should be sent back to school to learn English . Not only this the professor said that she does not deserve a PG degree & she will never be able to practice as Dietician in her life. Ms. Shanta Devi said all this in front of whole class & other girls started laughing. The professor than called other teachers & said that , Lakshmi does not know how to pronounce the word ' MUSHY '. l was looking at Lakshmi , she did not cried bit her plight was pathetic . I feel that you might be thinking that Ms. Shanta devi did this with Lakshmi because she might not like her personally but no you are not thinking right as after a month a similar incident happen with another classmate of mine . She also have to look down because of wrong pronunciation. Now whenever I think of this incident , I feel Shanta mam should have called Lakshmi privately & should have told her the correct pronunciation of the word ' MUSHY ; rather than making her feel humiliated in front of whole class & other teachers.
Thus we should always correct others for their mistake but we should never humiliate them & also we should not try to pose our self more intelligent while correcting other for his or her folly. By humiliating we will never be able to show the right path to a person instead humiliation give rise to haltered & animosity.
PHONE MISERS
MOST OF US AVAIL THE PHONE FACILITY TODAY . THERE WERE DAYS WHEN PEOPLE DID NOT HAVE TELEPHONE IN THEIR HOUSE , SO THEY HAVE TO CALL EITHER FROM PUBLIC BOOTH OR FROM THEIR NEIGHBOUR'S OR RELATIVE'S HOUSE BUT BECAUSE OF THE INVENTION OF MOBILE PHONES MAJORITY OF PEOPLE HAVE A PHONE WITH THEM .IN FACT A LARGE NUMBER OF PEOPLE HAVE A MOBILE PHONE AS WELL AS LAND LINE PHONE CONNECTION BUT STILL MANY PEOPLE PREFER TO USE OTHERS TELEPHONE TO MAKE A CALL OR PREFER TO TALK ONLY WHEN SOME BODY ELSE MAKES A CALL. I HAVE COME ACROSS MANY PHONE MISERS . BELOW I AM SHARING WITH YOU MY OWM EXPREINCES WITH PHONE MISERS.
I HAVE SEEN SOME PEOPLE WHO ALWAYS ASK A ONE RS COIN FOR MAKING A CALL FROM THE PUBLIC BOOTH & THE PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT FAMILIAR WITH HE MENTALITY OF THE PERSON EASILY GIVE ONE RS COIN , THINKING THAT THE PERSON MUST BE IN URGENT NEED. IN THIS RELATION I AM SHARING WITH YOU ABOUT ONE OF MY CLASSMATES NISHRIEEN , WHO ALWAYS USE TO ASK ONE RS COIN TO MAKE A CALL & SHE USED TO SAY THAT SHE DOES NOT HAVE THE CHANGE RIGHT NOW . NISHREEN TOOK ONE RS FROM WHOLE CLASS & SHE NEVER RETURNED IT. SHE WAS SO HABITUAL THAT SHE EVEN ASKED ONE RS COIN TO TEACHERS & PEONS OF COLLEGE . WHEN THE WHOLE CLASS REALIZED THAT NISHREENN HAS A HABIT OF MAKING PHONE CALLS FROM OTHERS MONEY , WE STOPPED GIVING HER .
THERE IS STILL ANOTHER CLASS OF PHONE MISERS WHO FIRST ASK THE PERMISSION OF MAKING A CALL & ONCE THEY MAKE A CALL THEY ASK FOR THE PAYMENT OF THE CALL & WHEN THE OWNER OF THE TELEPHONE REFUSES TO TAKE ANY MONEY FOR THE CALL , THE PERSON THAN SMILINGLY ASK THAN CAN HE OR SHE MAKE ONE MORE CALL. THIS HAPPENED WITH ME ONE OF MY NEIGHBOURS ONCE CAME TO MY HOUSE TO MAKE A PHONE CALL , I SMILINGLY OFFERED MY MTNL PHONE . SHE MADE ONE CALL & THAN SHE ASKED ME THAT ' SHALL I PAY YOU FOR THE CALL ' , I REFUSED TO TAKE THE MONEY THAN SHE AGAIN PICKED THE TELEPHONE RECEIVER & MADE TWO MORE CALLS.
ONE MORE TYPE OF PHONE MISERS WORTH MENTIONING ARE THE PEOPLE WHO GIVE MISS CALLS. THEY JUST GIVE A MISS CALL & EXPECT THE PERSON TO CALL THEM BACK. THEY GIVE YOU ONE MISS CALL & EXPECT FROM YOU THAT YOU WILL CALL THEM BACK. PERSONALLY I HATE SUCH PEOPLE & I NEVER CALL BACK TO PEOPLE WHO GIVE ME A MISS CALL. USUALLY PEOPLE WITH THIS KIND OF MENTALITY SAY THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE MUCH BALANCE IN THEIR PHONE THEREFORE THEY HAVE GIVEN A MISS CALL. ** HERE I AM ONLY TALKING ABOUT THOSE INDIVIDUALS WHO REGULARLY GIVE MISS CALLS TO ALL THE PEOPLE THEY ARE ACQUINTED WITH .
THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO CONVERSE ON PHONE ONLY WHEN SOME BODY ELSE CALLS THEM. IN THAT CASE THEY WILL CHAT FOR HOURS BUT IF IN URGENCY THEY HAVE TO MAKE A CALL , THEY WILL JUST TALK FOR A MINUTE ONLY . FOR SUCH PEOPLE I REMEMBER ONE HINDI PROVERB ' MUFFT KA CHANDAN GHIS MERE NANDAN '. SUCH PHONE MISERS WHEN MAKE A CALL FROM THEIR SIDE . THEY WILL TALK FOR A MINUTE & THAN DISCONNECT THE CALL , THEY THAN WAIT FOR THE OTHER PERSON TO CALL THEM BACK & WHEN THE OTHER INDIVIDUAL CALL THEM BACK THEY SAY....." OH ! I DO NOT KNOW HOW THE PHONE GOT DISCONNECTED & I WAS TOO TRYING TO CALL YOU BACK ".
LAST BUT NOT LEAST THERE ARE PHONE MISERS WHO MAKE CALLS WHEN THEY GET SOME BODY ELSE'S MOBILE PHONE IN THEIR HAND. YES THERE ARE PEOPLE LIKE THAT. I HAVE ONE UNCLE IN DELHI , HE CALLS ONLY WHEN HE GETS SOMEBODY'S MOBILE PHONE IN HIS HAND. THEREFORE WHEN EVER HE CALLS US , WE COME TO KNOW THAT TODAY SOME BODY MUST HAVE A BAD DAY .I ALWAYS FEEL PITY FOR THE PERSON WHOSE MOBILE PHONE FALLS IN MY UNCLE'S HANDS.
YOU MIGHT TOO HAVE COME ACROSS PHONE MISERS IN YOUR LIFE. WE CAN TAG A PERSON AS ' PHONE MISER ' ONLY WHEN WE HAD SEVERAL EXPERIENCES IN WHICH THE PERSON TRIED TO SAVE HIS MONEY IN MAKING PHONE CALLS.PHONE MISERS MAY SPEND LAVISHLY ON OTHER THINGS BUT WILL NOT SPEND HIS OR HER MONEY ON MAKING PHONE CALLS. PHONE MISERS DO NOT CARE ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT THEM . IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO CHANGE THE MENTALITY OF A PHONE MISER & IF THE PHONE MISER IS OUR FRIEND OR RELATIVE OR COLLEAGUE THAN WE CANNOT BE RUDE & WE JUST HAVE TO TOLERATE THEM SMILINGLY.
I HAVE SEEN SOME PEOPLE WHO ALWAYS ASK A ONE RS COIN FOR MAKING A CALL FROM THE PUBLIC BOOTH & THE PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT FAMILIAR WITH HE MENTALITY OF THE PERSON EASILY GIVE ONE RS COIN , THINKING THAT THE PERSON MUST BE IN URGENT NEED. IN THIS RELATION I AM SHARING WITH YOU ABOUT ONE OF MY CLASSMATES NISHRIEEN , WHO ALWAYS USE TO ASK ONE RS COIN TO MAKE A CALL & SHE USED TO SAY THAT SHE DOES NOT HAVE THE CHANGE RIGHT NOW . NISHREEN TOOK ONE RS FROM WHOLE CLASS & SHE NEVER RETURNED IT. SHE WAS SO HABITUAL THAT SHE EVEN ASKED ONE RS COIN TO TEACHERS & PEONS OF COLLEGE . WHEN THE WHOLE CLASS REALIZED THAT NISHREENN HAS A HABIT OF MAKING PHONE CALLS FROM OTHERS MONEY , WE STOPPED GIVING HER .
THERE IS STILL ANOTHER CLASS OF PHONE MISERS WHO FIRST ASK THE PERMISSION OF MAKING A CALL & ONCE THEY MAKE A CALL THEY ASK FOR THE PAYMENT OF THE CALL & WHEN THE OWNER OF THE TELEPHONE REFUSES TO TAKE ANY MONEY FOR THE CALL , THE PERSON THAN SMILINGLY ASK THAN CAN HE OR SHE MAKE ONE MORE CALL. THIS HAPPENED WITH ME ONE OF MY NEIGHBOURS ONCE CAME TO MY HOUSE TO MAKE A PHONE CALL , I SMILINGLY OFFERED MY MTNL PHONE . SHE MADE ONE CALL & THAN SHE ASKED ME THAT ' SHALL I PAY YOU FOR THE CALL ' , I REFUSED TO TAKE THE MONEY THAN SHE AGAIN PICKED THE TELEPHONE RECEIVER & MADE TWO MORE CALLS.
ONE MORE TYPE OF PHONE MISERS WORTH MENTIONING ARE THE PEOPLE WHO GIVE MISS CALLS. THEY JUST GIVE A MISS CALL & EXPECT THE PERSON TO CALL THEM BACK. THEY GIVE YOU ONE MISS CALL & EXPECT FROM YOU THAT YOU WILL CALL THEM BACK. PERSONALLY I HATE SUCH PEOPLE & I NEVER CALL BACK TO PEOPLE WHO GIVE ME A MISS CALL. USUALLY PEOPLE WITH THIS KIND OF MENTALITY SAY THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE MUCH BALANCE IN THEIR PHONE THEREFORE THEY HAVE GIVEN A MISS CALL. ** HERE I AM ONLY TALKING ABOUT THOSE INDIVIDUALS WHO REGULARLY GIVE MISS CALLS TO ALL THE PEOPLE THEY ARE ACQUINTED WITH .
THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO CONVERSE ON PHONE ONLY WHEN SOME BODY ELSE CALLS THEM. IN THAT CASE THEY WILL CHAT FOR HOURS BUT IF IN URGENCY THEY HAVE TO MAKE A CALL , THEY WILL JUST TALK FOR A MINUTE ONLY . FOR SUCH PEOPLE I REMEMBER ONE HINDI PROVERB ' MUFFT KA CHANDAN GHIS MERE NANDAN '. SUCH PHONE MISERS WHEN MAKE A CALL FROM THEIR SIDE . THEY WILL TALK FOR A MINUTE & THAN DISCONNECT THE CALL , THEY THAN WAIT FOR THE OTHER PERSON TO CALL THEM BACK & WHEN THE OTHER INDIVIDUAL CALL THEM BACK THEY SAY....." OH ! I DO NOT KNOW HOW THE PHONE GOT DISCONNECTED & I WAS TOO TRYING TO CALL YOU BACK ".
LAST BUT NOT LEAST THERE ARE PHONE MISERS WHO MAKE CALLS WHEN THEY GET SOME BODY ELSE'S MOBILE PHONE IN THEIR HAND. YES THERE ARE PEOPLE LIKE THAT. I HAVE ONE UNCLE IN DELHI , HE CALLS ONLY WHEN HE GETS SOMEBODY'S MOBILE PHONE IN HIS HAND. THEREFORE WHEN EVER HE CALLS US , WE COME TO KNOW THAT TODAY SOME BODY MUST HAVE A BAD DAY .I ALWAYS FEEL PITY FOR THE PERSON WHOSE MOBILE PHONE FALLS IN MY UNCLE'S HANDS.
YOU MIGHT TOO HAVE COME ACROSS PHONE MISERS IN YOUR LIFE. WE CAN TAG A PERSON AS ' PHONE MISER ' ONLY WHEN WE HAD SEVERAL EXPERIENCES IN WHICH THE PERSON TRIED TO SAVE HIS MONEY IN MAKING PHONE CALLS.PHONE MISERS MAY SPEND LAVISHLY ON OTHER THINGS BUT WILL NOT SPEND HIS OR HER MONEY ON MAKING PHONE CALLS. PHONE MISERS DO NOT CARE ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT THEM . IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO CHANGE THE MENTALITY OF A PHONE MISER & IF THE PHONE MISER IS OUR FRIEND OR RELATIVE OR COLLEAGUE THAN WE CANNOT BE RUDE & WE JUST HAVE TO TOLERATE THEM SMILINGLY.
PEOPLE FALLING IN LOVE THROUGH SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES
There is a boom of social networking websites on internet .The newer social networking sites like Yuwie , IBIBO not only helps in building social contacts but also gives other privileges like earning through blogging & uploading pictures .Majority of people who surf Internet frequently are members of at least one social networking websites either for fun , or to build contacts or for promotion of their own on line business or for earning through blogging . When it comes to earning through blogging , people spend several hours in a day to update their blogs & than on reading & commenting other bloggers work. As a result of which bloggers get very much acquainted with each others style of writing , thoughts ,likes , dislikes ,profession & other personal aspects & at times bloggers get attracted to opposite sex bloggers. Once this happens the bloggers mind gets completely diverted from blogging . He or she starts giving very sensitive comments on the articles of the bloggers with whom he or she has got attracted .The comments are very frequent & personalised as a result both the bloggers get attracted to one another.
Recently I came across few cases where in male bloggers first approached female bloggers by giving frequent & touching comments on their articles & than they exchanged their contact numbaers & email IDs.Later the male bloggers shared their past with the female bloggers & expressed how lonely they are without true love in their lives & eventually proposed the females saying that they can only bring the lost love back into their lives . Women feel very sorry for the past of males & they started loving the them thinking that the males are very honest & will be carrying husbands if they tie knot with them. For few months these couples continued their interaction through blogging & chatting & meanwhile they commited for marriage , without any face to face meetings. Since it was not a true love & was mear attraction the male bloggers got attracted to another female bloggers & thereby they lost interest in the previous female bloggers & the commitments which they made to them became meaningless.
As usual the females got very upset , they lost hope , trust & health & now these women do not believe in the Institution of marriage they do not want to get married for ever & are not ready to forget them athough their dream homes are scattered totally According to me it is not wrong to love somebody & to express love for someone nor I say it is the folly of men alone .Also there might be people who got true life partners through social networking sites but I feel one should not commit for marriage without family consent & face to face interaction with the person whom you met through social networking websites.
Recently I came across few cases where in male bloggers first approached female bloggers by giving frequent & touching comments on their articles & than they exchanged their contact numbaers & email IDs.Later the male bloggers shared their past with the female bloggers & expressed how lonely they are without true love in their lives & eventually proposed the females saying that they can only bring the lost love back into their lives . Women feel very sorry for the past of males & they started loving the them thinking that the males are very honest & will be carrying husbands if they tie knot with them. For few months these couples continued their interaction through blogging & chatting & meanwhile they commited for marriage , without any face to face meetings. Since it was not a true love & was mear attraction the male bloggers got attracted to another female bloggers & thereby they lost interest in the previous female bloggers & the commitments which they made to them became meaningless.
As usual the females got very upset , they lost hope , trust & health & now these women do not believe in the Institution of marriage they do not want to get married for ever & are not ready to forget them athough their dream homes are scattered totally According to me it is not wrong to love somebody & to express love for someone nor I say it is the folly of men alone .Also there might be people who got true life partners through social networking sites but I feel one should not commit for marriage without family consent & face to face interaction with the person whom you met through social networking websites.
HOW YOU ANNOY YOUR SPOUSE
He didn’t like the curry & he didn’t like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard... not like his mother used to make.
I didn’t prepare the coffee right & he didn’t like the stew.
I didn’t mend his socks the way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer & I was looking for a cue Isn’t ‘there anything I could do to
match his mother's shoe
Then I smiled as I saw light ,one thing I could definitely do I turned around and slapped him tight..like his mother used to!!!!’
Many husbands have a habit of finding faults in their wife's work & at the same time they praise their own mother for the same . For instance husbands usually say to their wives , my mother was better than you in cooking & cleaning etc. Because of number of reasons husbands compare . It can be either because the husband misses his mother or it could be due to the husband wants to please his mother or it is also possible that the husband wants to improve his wife in particular task .What ever the reason is but wives do not like it & it is natural . If the wife keeps on praising her own father & always find mistakes in her husband & she rates her husband low in comparison to her rather than husband too will be annoyed . For eg. If a wife says to her husband that my father is better than you , he earns more than you & he used to take care of me more than you than obliviously the Husband too will be red with anger.
Personally I feel husband should never compare the two ladies & should not rate any lady low in comparison to other. As both the ladies are significant in man's life. Mother is a lady who has given him life & wife is a lady with whom he has to spend his life . If a wife is not good in cooking or any other task , she must be definitely good in some other work . The husband should never try to improve her wife in particular task by comparing her with his own mother but by praising his wife for being good in other tasks he can improve his wife in the task in which she is no so good .Even the mother should discourage his son for comparing his wife with her & rating the wife low . Although I am not married & have not faced such situation yet but still I have seen that wives never improve or change if the husbands compare with their own mother & rate them low . As the wives develop a negative attitude towards that particular task & she may say her husband that it will be better if he asks his mother only to do things for him .
However wives too should not compare & rate their husbands low in comparison to their own father. Thus do not compare & rate your spouse low in comparison to your own opposite sex parent for any reason.
He said my biscuits were too hard... not like his mother used to make.
I didn’t prepare the coffee right & he didn’t like the stew.
I didn’t mend his socks the way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer & I was looking for a cue Isn’t ‘there anything I could do to
match his mother's shoe
Then I smiled as I saw light ,one thing I could definitely do I turned around and slapped him tight..like his mother used to!!!!’
Many husbands have a habit of finding faults in their wife's work & at the same time they praise their own mother for the same . For instance husbands usually say to their wives , my mother was better than you in cooking & cleaning etc. Because of number of reasons husbands compare . It can be either because the husband misses his mother or it could be due to the husband wants to please his mother or it is also possible that the husband wants to improve his wife in particular task .What ever the reason is but wives do not like it & it is natural . If the wife keeps on praising her own father & always find mistakes in her husband & she rates her husband low in comparison to her rather than husband too will be annoyed . For eg. If a wife says to her husband that my father is better than you , he earns more than you & he used to take care of me more than you than obliviously the Husband too will be red with anger.
Personally I feel husband should never compare the two ladies & should not rate any lady low in comparison to other. As both the ladies are significant in man's life. Mother is a lady who has given him life & wife is a lady with whom he has to spend his life . If a wife is not good in cooking or any other task , she must be definitely good in some other work . The husband should never try to improve her wife in particular task by comparing her with his own mother but by praising his wife for being good in other tasks he can improve his wife in the task in which she is no so good .Even the mother should discourage his son for comparing his wife with her & rating the wife low . Although I am not married & have not faced such situation yet but still I have seen that wives never improve or change if the husbands compare with their own mother & rate them low . As the wives develop a negative attitude towards that particular task & she may say her husband that it will be better if he asks his mother only to do things for him .
However wives too should not compare & rate their husbands low in comparison to their own father. Thus do not compare & rate your spouse low in comparison to your own opposite sex parent for any reason.
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